life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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