george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
