By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We are two peas in an std pod
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
