if only i could text you this smell
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So much rum. So many feels.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
