She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
