Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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