me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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