Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I AM VODKA MAN
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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