I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my shit smells like andre
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
