My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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