her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
