I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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