Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
