You're my little dorito
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pants are for mortals
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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