i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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