DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
