So drunk its hurt
...so i touched it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
