My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
