Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
did you just send me my own nude
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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