he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
