but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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