i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sext me about skeletons
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
