I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
