It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
