i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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