Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
