I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
