I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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