im having a threesome with these popsicles
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
