If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
