her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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