I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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