he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
