I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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