weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
