I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
