i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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