Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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