Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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