went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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