This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
