Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
