just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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