I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
