that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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