what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
