people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
