you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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