How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
