Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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