he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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