I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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