the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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