That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
