Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
