the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize