That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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