were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
