When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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