mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
