Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sober January is a disaster.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
