I can text with my tongue
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
