Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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