i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
