I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
