I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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