i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
