it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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