even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
