I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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