There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
