the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
