Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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