I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
