Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
