Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
