You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You took a bar mat shot.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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