real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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