Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
