my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
