Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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