He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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